Everyone has experienced envy in their lives. Everyone had their own reasons for it: someone watched a friend succeed, another noticed a neighbor’s happy family, and someone saw a coworker’s new car. Envy is based on comparing yourself to other people and often arises from low self-esteem, complexes, and fears. Therefore, if you do not respond to envy in time, this feeling can cause pain for many years.
There is a stereotype that women tend to be more envious than men. Women are often jealous when reading glossy magazines, watching others wear fashionable clothes, use modern appliances, or have a rich husband. For women, the sphere of envy is related to family, children, and everyday life. For men, the sphere of envy is achievements. Men are often jealous because of a higher salary of an employee, a better car, and the social status of a boss. Therefore, we cannot say that women are more envious than men. It’s just that their envy is in different areas.
It is worth noting that there is nothing wrong with envy as a feeling. Feelings are only classified into pleasant and unpleasant depending on our internal perception. Feelings are indicators of our state of mind, and there are neither good nor bad feelings. Our reactions and actions under the influence of these feelings can be good or bad. Metal itself is neither good nor bad. But you can make weapons out of metal and use them to kill, or you can make jewelry to emphasize someone’s beauty. It’s the same with envy: under the influence of this feeling, I can destroy and humiliate, or I can use it to notice in others what I lack and need to work on. Therefore, envy can be turned into a valuable tool for personal development and improvement.
○ First of all, admit to yourself that you are jealous.
Remember that the feeling itself is not something bad. Do not try to hide or disguise this feeling. Recognize that the problem is with you, not with other people. Work on improving your self-esteem. Be aware of the actions you take under the influence of envy.
○ Use envy as an indicator of your values.
Thomas Aquinas described the feeling of envy as «sadness at the good of others.» We never envy people for their misfortune, no one would ever say I envy you for being in prison. Instead, envy points to things that are valuable to
Thus, by analyzing the feeling of envy, one can see what exactly I value in my life. If the object of envy is not so important, then perhaps you should reconsider your scale of values and set the right priorities in life.
○ Dare to tell the object of your envy about your emotions.
The very fact that you feel envy shows that you and this person share common values. Instead of fighting your feelings, just say, «I like your car, congratulations on a great purchase. You know, I even envy you a little bit…». Only strong people can be frank. This way, your envy will pass faster.
○ Take a closer look at people.
Feelings of envy often do not take into account the fact that all people wear a mask of happiness on their faces and never talk about their problems, greatly exaggerating their successes. A seemingly successful businessman, Vasily, will never talk about his problems in his personal life, and an incredibly beautiful Katya will not tell you that she got married for money and has constant conflicts with her mother-in-law. If you put yourself in the shoes of other people, you will see that they also have many reasons to envy you.
○ Don’t look for the cause in others.
Everyone was told in childhood that envy is a bad feeling, and people try to suppress it in every way possible. And in order to disguise envy and find reasons for dislike, we begin to look for flaws in other people. That’s why you can often hear that a woman who receives a lot of attention from men is a whore, a rich man is necessarily a thief, and a man who is attentive to women is a backstabber. If you’re also trying to hide your envy, stop doing that! Instead, recognize that you tend to envy others and look at what others have done to have what you dream of. Make a plan to achieve your goal and follow it with confidence.
○ Our envy can be a great motivator for achieving goals and personal development
if we channel it in the right way. Envy makes us not sit still, but do something. Therefore, if you want to have what you envy, take action and you will definitely achieve it.
○ By all means avoid the so-called «black» envy,
which aims to harm others instead of developing yourself.
